Page 27 - BusinessWest March 17, 2021

Knick-knack Knockouts
How to Avoid Those Family Fights Over Grandma’s Tchotchkes
By ValerTie Vignaux, Esq.
he most prolonged and venomous
arguments I’ve witnessed in my estate-
administration practice have not been over money. In my experience, the highest level of emotional warfare is reserved for tangible, personal property, or the ‘stuff’ that mom and dad, or grandma and grandpa, leave behind in the house.
a fight. And fight they do.
“Not me, and not my family,” we all say. But
it can happen to the best of us, and the con-
flict has the potential to do serious damage to a family already grieving the loss of a loved one. Adult siblings revert to traits and behaviors not exhibited since ages 6 to 12. Beloved in-laws who were once an integral part of the family are now
fact, a properly written and executed last will and testament document typically provides that the author (the testator or testatrix) may leave such a memo, listing specific items for specific people.
For any object of significant monetary value — jewelry, works of art, vehicles, and rare books are all such examples — I recommend providing for distribution directly in the will or trust docu- ment, as opposed to a separate memorandum. Similarly, a will memorandum is not an appro- priate place to include gifts of money or real estate. But for all those personal belongings that have more emotional than dollar value, such a list is perfect.
Some of my clients have also placed notes
on the backs or bottoms of objects around the house, stating who is to receive it upon the cli- ent’s death. This works, but I prefer a list that is dated and signed and kept with the client’s copy of his or her will. It is helpful, too, if I, as the cli- ent’s estate-planning attorney, have a copy in my file.
How does one start writing a will memoran- dum? Ask your family members what they want. Understandably, many people are not eager to have these conversations, but it is a gift to those
Knockouts
Continued on page 29
“The most prolonged and venom- ous arguments I’ve witnessed in my estate-administration practice have not been over money.”
interlopers who deserve noth- ing. And only after mom is gone do we learn that she seems to have promised her cuckoo clock to all four of her children. (Pro tip: none of you should take the cuckoo clock. Your own families will thank you for letting that one go.)
How do we prevent such consternation at a time when we should be coming together in our shared sadness? A list. A
The $7 porcelain ballerina that sat on the mantel for 50 years, the carbon-steel chef’s knife in the kitchen, costume jewelry, a crocheted Kleenex holder, photo albums, even the wash- ing machine, if you can believe it — these are the objects that can send otherwise well-behaved, loving, and gentle family members to opposite corners of the boxing ring to steel themselves for
simple, old-fashioned list. I call such a list a will memorandum, and Massachusetts General Laws recognizes such a “separate writing identifying [the] devise of certain types of tangible property.”
One of the most appealing aspects of the will memorandum is that this list can be updated, changed, thrown out, and begun anew at any time, without having to change the will itself. In
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