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“It doesn’t matter if they say it’s Tuesday and it’s really Sunday.
It just doesn’t matter. So, we don’t want to correct people. Does it matter if Mr. Smith thinks it’s a different day? Is that going to change the world? No. If he thinks
it’s Christmas tomorrow, that’s OK. Why take that joy away?”
with dementia what was called, by some at least, ‘reality therapy.’
“We would say, ‘no, no, no, you’re wrong — today’s Thursday, or today’s this, and tomorrow is that,’ she said, correcting wrong statements and answers to ques- tions whenever the need arose. “But what we’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter. The reality therapy is for us to learn to live in their reality, not for them to live in our real- ity of our world. That’s probably the biggest lesson there is.”
Helping others live in the reality of those with dementia is a big part of the work Cardillo has been involved with over the years, especially at Armbrook, but also now as a social worker. She said that to make this leap — and it is a leap for most — it begins with education and an under- standing of the disease and how it impacts people.
It robs them of short-term memory
and the ability to do certain things — from
driving to cooking to reading. But it doesn’t, or shouldn’t, take from them the things that are important to them, and have been impor- tant throughout their lives, be it what they did for a living, or travel, music, pets, or a love of the movies.
Cardillo recalled the case of a long-retired college professor who had (and still has) a passion for the New York Times and carries it with her daily.
“Some days, it’s upside-down,” said Cardillo. “But it doesn’t mat- ter; that was her identity. Those are they types of things you don’t want to change; you don’t want to correct people.”
Overall, she said it’s important to treat those with dementia with respect and to not embarrass them with ‘reality’ questions or con- stant corrections concerning what day it is and what members of the family are no longer alive.
“Just because you have Alzheimer’s doesn’t mean you’re stupid,”
she explained. “It doesn’t mean you can’t read people’s emotions.
“I know people who will say to family members, ‘what’s my name? What’s my name?’ Why are you saying that to them? It embarrasses them. They know you have a connection. Is it because you think that if they know your name, they’re having a good day and that makes you feel good?
“Because it doesn’t matter if they know your name,” she went on. “It doesn’t matter if they say it’s Tuesday and it’s really Sunday. It just doesn’t matter. So, we don’t want to correct people. Does it mat- ter if Mr. Smith thinks it’s a different day? Is that going to change the world? No. If he thinks it’s Christmas tomorrow, that’s OK. Why take that joy away?”
She recalled the case of a woman who told her that she was pregnant at 66. Instead of correcting her, Cardillo said she simply told her, ‘if that’s true, you’re going to make history.’
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