Page 32 - BusinessWest September 30, 2024

Change the Way You Listen
In Doing So, Increase Presence and Evolve Your Leadership
BY MARGARET GRAZIANO
Being present in today’s world is more difficult than it has ever been before. Everyone is constantly bombarded by emails, text messages, social media, news, advertisements, and all the other distractions of the modern world.
A lack of presence, especially in leadership, can often lead to poor communi- cation, a lack of rapport with those around you, and volatility, uncertainty, confu- sion, and ambiguity in the workplace. One of the easiest ways to solve this prob- lem is to understand and change the way you listen to those around you.
Most people don’t focus on or participate in listening in a way that actually makes a difference. Learning to truly listen and engage with whomever you are talking to enables connection, builds trust, and elevates flow across the board. When you strengthen your ability to listen, you become a better communicator. When you level up your ability to hear, you show up as somebody who is more open to feedback and who appreciates the contribution of what others are think- ing and feeling.
Upleveling your listening begins first and foremost with understanding what, how, and when you aren’t really listening.
Listening from Obligation
When this happens, there is little to no effort from the listener, due to either various distractions or a lack of caring about what the speaker has to say. Com- mon behaviors when you’re listening at this level are multi-tasking, such as play- ing on your phone or scrolling through emails when someone is talking to you; tuning out or daydreaming; and anticipating what you think they are going to say and interjecting words for them. This kind of listening makes it impossible to develop rapport.
This level of listening also includes pretend listening, where you are not pay- ing attention to the speaker, but you still act as though you are listening. The lis-
“A lack of presence, especially in leader- ship, can often lead to poor communica- tion, a lack of rapport with those around you, and volatility, uncertainty, confu- sion, and ambiguity in the workplace.”
tener’s brain is paying attention to other things, but they are maintaining involve- ment in the conversation. Think of sitting next to someone very talkative on the plane or talking on the phone with a chatty family member. You aren’t absorbing or understanding the information the speaker is sharing.
Listening from the Inside
This is selective listening or downloading. In this level, you are only listening to what someone else is saying to confirm facts you already believe to be true. You are listening inside of your existing context. You parcel out information that you perceive to be uninteresting, lacking in value, or that doesn’t conform to your biases and preconceived notions. This level of listening is problematic because you hear only what you want to hear. When you listen this way, it’s all too easy to brush feedback aside and/or filter it out altogether.
You know you’ve been listening like this when you come out of a conversa- tion and everything you expected to happen happened. This type of listening is
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