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educational information and records of the child. It does not mean that a parent is excluded from knowing these things about their child.
There are always exceptions that need to be considered, such as domestic violence or history of restraining orders, which impact the ability of the court to grant certain relief if the parents are unable to agree.
It is worth reiterating that, if the parents are able to put their feelings about the relationship with the other parent aside and focus on the child, they can in most circumstances — if certainly not every one — develop a parenting relationship where both parents can be involved in the child’s life.
Parenting plans that deal with the actual parenting time the parties spend with the child should include the normal parenting plan, a holiday schedule, and vacation schedule, so that there is a clear plan for each parent’s time with the child. The location of pick-up and drop-off of the child, the specific time for exchange of the child, and who may transport the child are critically important in developing the parenting plan. Being clear and specific with these terms may create a plan that will reduce conflict between the parties when they may not both have the same philosophy about co-parenting with the other parent.
Parenting plans should also deal with child support, health insurance, uninsured medical expenses, extracurricular activi- ties and payment of those expenses, education of the child, and the primary residence of the child, at a minimum.
The parenting plan also can include terms around com- munication. Communication is key, and throughout the child’s life, there are going to be countless times when the parents will need to discuss or exchange information with the other parent, make a decision together, or attend parent-teacher conferences, activities, or countless different life events.
A method of communication can be defined, such as through text, a parenting application which tracks commu- nication, or through parent meetings on a scheduled basis. Regardless of the method, it is often key to successful co-par-
enting for there to be set rules as to where, when, and what the parents talk about.
By agreement, parents can include terms around phone calls or video calls with the child, as well as any other contact they want to have in between their parenting time. Language that fosters a positive and supportive parenting relationship between the child and the other parent can be included by agreement of the parents to prevent disparaging, disrespectful discussions.
The Court as a Last Resort
If the parents are unable to agree on how to develop a par- enting plan, the court ultimately has the jurisdiction to make the decision. The court will do its job, but most every judge will encourage the parents to come to an agreement if they are able to do so, as they know their child better than anyone.
If the court is ultimately the decision maker, the court will consider the age and developmental stage of the child, the individual needs of the child, the history of the relationship between the parents, how close the parents live to each other, the parents’ work schedule, and problems such as substance abuse, domestic violence, child abuse, or a criminal record.
Naturally, this is not the exhaustive list, and the topics of this article are general. When navigating these issues, you should seek advice of an attorney in order to understand all the issues that need to be addressed and understand your rights as a parent. BW
Julie A. Dialessi-Lafley is a shareholder with the law
firm Bacon Wilson, P.C. and chairs the firm’s Family Law department. She is a certified family law mediator, a member of the Springfield Women’s Leadership Council,
a member of the United Way of Pioneer Valley board
of directors, and is licensed to practice law in both Massachusetts and Connecticut; (413) 781-0560; jdialessi- [email protected]
“The court will do its job, but most every judge will encourage the parents to come to an agreement if they are able to do so, as they know their child better than anyone.”
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