Having the Talk
From VISITING ANGELS
Here are sample conversation starters and strategies to introduce home-care services to your loved one. Each scenario is a catalyst to take action and start talking. Prior to talking, prepare and arrange with a reliable friend or your spouse to take part in the plan.
SCENARIO: Your loved one mentions plans to drive to the grocery store. He’s shown signs of unsafe driving (getting lost or confused or unexplained dents on the car). Coordinate with a trusted neighbor, friend, or spouse to serve as a driver for one trip.
SAY: “I see you’re planning to go to the grocery store. I think it would be a great idea to ride with [the neighbor/friend/spouse] next time or even hire a professional who can take you where you need to go. You could tell her exactly where you want to go, and she’ll get you there. You’d be in control.”
SCENARIO: You noticed your mom or dad isn’t eating.
SAY: “I don’t have the time to stay and cook tonight, but [neighbor/friend/spouse] loves to cook, and said she would love to cook with you tomorrow night, and she won’t have to leave early. Then you won’t have to worry about making dinner, and the family will feel good knowing someone’s with you to help you out in the kitchen. You can tell them what you’d like to eat, and you’ll be in total control. Let’s at least try it and talk about it afterward to see if it’s an arrangement you’d like.”
SCENARIO: Your loved one forgets to take her medicine repeatedly. (Alert the doctor first.)
SAY: “I’m worried that you forgot to take your medicine again. I spoke with your doctor, and he’s especially concerned about missing doses. He suggested we find a way prevent it from happening. I thought a professional caregiver would be really helpful. Let’s at least give it a try and see how you like it. Then we can talk about it and see if it’s something you want going forward.”
SCENARIO: Your elderly loved one is struggling to get dressed, whether it’s a fall or a misbuttoned shirt. You’ve realized they need help in the bedroom to get dressed.
SAY: “I’ve noticed you’re wearing the same clothes again. What if we got you a helper for the mornings — someone who can stop by and help get you ready for the day? She could even do a load of laundry or two; that’s completely on your terms. Think of how nice it’ll be knowing there’s one less thing you have to do. Mind if we give this a try?”
SCENARIO: You notice a high pile of dishes in the kitchen sink.
SAY: “I know you care about keeping your place clean and tidy. But your dishes have piled up again, and the kitchen’s getting dirty. I’ll help you get those done, but what if we explored getting someone in here to keep the dishes done and the place clean? We’d love to take that off your plate, and then everyone can feel good knowing your house is clean and the way you like it. Let’s at least give it a try and go from there.”